Want to last longer? Want to feel more potent in your cock?
Want to create more health through your sex?
Want to learn to feel more pleasure, pleasure you’ve never imagined? Want to be more present with better connection with your partner? Want to take her/them to the heights of ecstasy?
Want to feel more love for yourself, and others?
Your body will lead you there.
It is all within you – you just need to know how to access it.
There is so much pathologizing in the world these days – This is wrong, that is wrong, you have this illness, that mental disorder…
You can’t get it up, you can’t hold it in…
There’s a paradox to pathologizing culture: Sometimes diagnosing a problem leads to a solution. Often, it leads to a fixation on the problem that just makes the problem worse.
For example, ever just TRY to go to sleep? Doesn’t work too well, huh? The more we think about how we want to sleep, how important it is to sleep, how much it’s going to suck if we don’t sleep, etc. etc. etc., we get caught in the anxiety that keeps us from sleeping. It’s a perfect example of shooting ourselves in the foot. It's common, but it doesn't work.
The same is true of sex. Once there is a “problem” or even just a strong desire to be “better” at it, we start to do the same thing.
We focus on the problem, instead of the solution. We obsessively monitor the problem waiting for it to change.
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“I hope I’ll be able to perform with her this time…”
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“What if I can’t get it up?”
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“I hope that technique I learned to last longer won’t fail.”
This focus on getting a particular outcome keeps it from changing.
Why? Because on whatever you place your attention, it grows. If I place my attention on a problem, the problem grows. Usually, fear grows with it. If I place my attention on a solution, the solution shows itself.
This is the case with sex. If you want to solve a sexual problem, or uplevel your sexual life, you have to focus on what actually makes sex better...
...and let go of trying to solve a "problem."
It might be scary and disorienting at first. "What do you mean, try not to solve the problem?" How do I get where I want to go if I don't solve this?
You WILL solve it. But not the way you thought you would. You solve it by letting go of the idea there is a problem, and focusing on what is already going well, already a truth, in the PRESENT MOMENT. You build on what you already have.
Can't get it up? Focus on the pleasure that is already there, even if it is very subtle. Don't try to get it up.
Can't keep from coming? Slow down, relax and enjoy the intensity. Don't try not to come. Stay present. Be kind to yourself.
This is just the start, and it takes practice to let go of the anxiety-spiral that happens what we are caught in problem solving ourselves. But once you are on the path of depathologizing yourself and building on your strengths, it just keeps getting better and better.
My good friend Speed Weed has a Men's Circle that is worth checking out. It's called "108 Minutes."
I'll be guest hosting with him this coming Saturday, 1/17 at 10am EST.
On this call, I’ll show you a simple practice I call "Abundant Vitality" that will:
1. Help you get out of this rut of problem-solving your sexual life
2. Give you tools to heal the wounds in the body that lead to sexual limitations
3. Lead you to pleasure through your whole body that is its own reward.
Join me Saturday to jump on the bountiful path of pleasure, abundance, and vitality.
You just have to get yourself there – then your body will show you the way.
Details on Speed's 108:
Who’s this for? Men new to embodied men’s work and men who want to grow and deepen their practice in the company of good men. Men who are interested in learning more about their embodied sexual energy beyond what they might have learned from porn.
What will we do?
Each week on 108 Minutes, we have a live teaching, a guided embodiment practice, and group sharing and support. This week, Dan brings his mastery in masculine sexual energetics through breathwork, meditation and movement.
How should I prepare? Have audio/visual privacy and a good internet connection. You must be on camera to participate. Have space to sit, stand and lie down.
108 Minutes is free to first-time men.
Here's the link to sign up!
Can't wait to share this with you, my friends.
Peace and love to you all 🙏
