Some years ago, I ended a seven-year relationship with the woman of my dreams in heartbreak. đź’”
Everything was working – except the intimacy. We wanted to make it work SO badly. We just couldn’t figure it out. Therapists, coaches, spiritual teachers, workshops, plant medicine, books, podcasts, documentaries… we explored everything we could get our hands on.
But we just couldn't do it. Our sex life was stalled, shut down, dry.
After years of gutwrenching conversations, sleepless nights, and buckets of tears, we decided to break up, mutually and consciously understanding that if we ever were to be together, we would need to take this time apart to heal individually.
Parting that day was one of the most painful moments of my life.
But I knew it was the right thing. I did it for the potential of us, but I mostly did it for ME. I knew I needed something in my life to be different. Something was missing.
Then I found men’s work.
I started going deep with men, talking about my struggles, supporting the other men, and having them hold me accountable to become the best man I could be.
I grew with my brothers – one conversation, one group experience, one weeping episode – at a time.
I started to gain strength I never knew I had. I learned to support AND sharpen myself and other men. I learned to lead. I learned to love myself and support other men in loving themselves.
Two years later, I was at an event that my ex-partner also attended. We connected deeply for the first time since we parted that day.
She told me how different I felt to her. She told me I felt more sovereign, stronger, more attractive, more trustable.
She had done her own healing work, too. I felt her being more open, more willing to follow my lead, more soft, more loving.
I could feel that the love was still there… AND WE WERE DIFFERENT. It felt more solid, more trustable, for both of us.
I took the bull by the horns and asserted: “I want to go on a date with you.”
“Really?? I want to go on a date with YOU!!” she said.
And then we reunited.
It was just like the beginning of our relationship: rekindled romantic fire, beautiful communication, excitement to catch up and know each other… we couldn’t believe how good it felt. The intimacy was like nothing we could ever achieve before.
We also felt a deep knowing of each other, an optimism about our ability to work things out, and renewed sense of commitment to each other that we could never achieve before.
And now, we both are ALL IN.
Breaking up was the best thing we could have done for our relationship.
Opening up and going deep with men was the best thing I could have done for ME.
It is no overstatement to assert that it changed my life forever. Learning to go deep with men, especially about sensitive matters like relationships and sex, cultivated my ability to grow, open, and strengthen my capacity to hold and lovingly lead relationship with the woman of my dreams.
This is why I feel so passionate about creating spaces where men can share openly about their lives.
One space that I feel particularly excited about is my monthly “Men (Really) Talking About Sex” men’s group call.
Here’s a chance for men to open up about their sex lives and go deep in ways they may never have before. Anything is on the table, especially sensitive issues like ED, PE, sexual shame, and challenges with sexual performance of all kinds.
ALL of these problems can be addressed. I help men solve sexual problems, and one piece of this puzzle is learning to be honest and open up with other men about ANYTHING that is challenging you sexually.
Our next FREE call is this coming Friday, October 17th, 12-1pm EST. You can sign up on my website:
https://www.dandesena.com/men-talking-about-sex
I hope you’ll join us – maybe you are stuck, like I was. You can get support, start or continue your healing journey, and support other men.
You CAN heal and create the intimate life of your dreams, just like me. Never give up. Open up and share. Trust me, it works. 🔥
Yours,
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